"Gifted Kid Burnout" - Other People's Experiences

 Last week, I wrote about how the “gifted” label has hurt me more than it helped me, twice-exceptionality, and how I want to break free from the confines of the “gifted child” prognosis. I want to expand on last week’s post by discussing other people’s experiences with advanced intellectual development. 

There is a collection of thoughts and feelings that some “gifted” children, unfortunately, experience due to academic, social, and self-inflicted pressures. “What if I’m not intelligent enough?” “What if they were wrong, and I was never actually highly intelligent?” “I am just a heaping pile of wasted potential… Wait no, there was probably no potential to waste in the first place,” along with lack of motivation, depressed mood, existential anxiety, chronic boredom,  and a need for constant validation are common symptoms. There is a name for these experiences; this syndrome is called “gifted kid burnout.” It’s not a rarity among people who were labeled as “gifted” when they were children. There is actually a subreddit for it called “r/aftergifted” for those of us who feel that we are not meeting the social and/or internal expectations placed upon us because of our minds.

While I, at one point or another, experienced all of these symptoms of “gifted kid burnout,” I want to tell the stories of others and their relationships with their exceptional (or twice-exceptional) minds. I have been fortunate to know quite a few people who have exceptional minds. I will start with a story of a now adolescent boy who I watched grow up and I am close with. For the sake of this blog post, we’ll call him Miles.

Throughout grade school, Miles was (and still is) very talented with his mathematical abilities. In elementary and middle school, he was considered bright, but not “profoundly gifted” (this label is basically for gifted kids on steroids). As he began to mature, more of his intellectual faculties matured too. He now reads book after book, taught himself a year ahead in math, knows some programming, and is teaching himself another language. He really flourished as an intellectual when he entered his sophomore year of high school. This blossoming of acuity was actually quite similar to mine because I underperformed due to ADHD when I was in elementary and middle school but as I aged, I developed significantly intellectually. It’s nice to have something in common with someone with who you are close, but this shared developmental aspect led me to compare myself to this person a lot (more on this later).

Miles is doing quite well right now. He is excelling in school, he has a good social life, and he is not plagued by chronic boredom. This is not a case of “gifted kid burnout” as he has none of the symptoms. I have a few theories as to why he did not develop the syndrome: 

1. He is close enough to average intelligence to fit into the school system

2. He has no disabilities and minimal significant disruptions 

3. He is close enough to average intelligence to fit into the social scene

The truth is probably a combination of all of these statements. Even though he is only a teenager, life and society have been cooperative with his needs thus far. Or rather, he has been cooperative with society’s and life’s expectations. If you analyze anything closely enough, you can see that it is either a system as a whole or a part of a system. Miles fits into certain systems in such a way that his returns are quite good. For example, he fits into the school system quite well, so he is able to get stellar grades with minimal difficulty. 

Someone a bit older than me who grew up in the 60s and 70s has an atypical mind. His mind is quite a rarity, so I feel lucky that I have gotten to know him. We’ll call him David. David’s high intelligence was always apparent to those who looked past his impulsivity, undiagnosed ADHD, and bipolar features, but many were unable to disregard these factors. When he entered adolescence, he came to a common realization among people of advanced intellect: he is mortal. He was raised to believe that he would live forever through his soul, but when he started reading Friedrich Nietzsche’s works such as The Antichrist, he discovered a sobering view of life. He was going down a necessary but slippery slope. This existential crisis led him to the depths of depression, as he felt his life was devoid of meaning due to its finitude. All accomplishments, joys, sorrows, loves, and others come to an end, so why bother? 

Many people did not understand David and his problems. His parents thought he was delusional for going against their beliefs and the teachers and kids at school didn’t understand him either. He went against the grain at school, so to speak. He did not follow the “herd” or the masses. He was very different from his chronological peers. Unlike Miles, David did not fit into the school system or the societal system of that place and time. Because of this, his impulsivity, and his lack of ability to cope with his depression and school, he became part of the “burnout crowd” (this is slightly different from the “gifted kid” burnout folks, though he was part of “gifted kid burnout” too. This category is more inclusive, but it is quite similar). He turned to drugs to cope and started skipping class. I bet some people are thinking “wait, I thought this guy was supposed to be smart… Why did he skip class?” Well, even though he skipped class to play his harmonica in the halls, in his free time he taught himself more than high school ever could. He read and understood philosophy books (he loves existentialism), complex science books, world and science history books, and just about anything he could get his hands on, including literary arts like Shakespeare’s plays. 

Unfortunately, David’s heavy drug use and developing mental illness really impeded his role functioning despite his intellectual capabilities. His unusual combination of mental characteristics led him to dangerous places multiple times throughout his life. Ultimately, David ended up dropping out of school and getting his GED, yet he was teaching himself more than a doctoral student would know. Even though he fell prey to the systems, I do not blame him. He is an exceptional enigma that inspires me in my own intellectual pursuits. 

The other day, I was having lunch with a friend. I had a somewhat serious conversation with her about her son. We’ll call him Adam. I used to babysit Adam, and now I see him when I go over to their house. Talking with him and seeing him play, I noticed some parallels between him and David. It is clear that he is very intelligent, and he was just diagnosed with a learning disability. Like David, he is twice exceptional. I told her to never call him gifted, and she agreed. She knows the danger of the label from watching what happened to David. I cautioned her to watch out for Adam for a few reasons:

1. He might go against the beliefs of his household (and will probably need support)

2. He will probably not fit into the school system because of his twice exceptionality

3. Drug use/addiction is in his family

My friend totally agreed with me and said she already knows to be careful with Adam. She added that he is an adrenaline junkie, so she knows he could very easily succumb to risky things to deal with chronic boredom in the future. However, she is buying books on his learning disability and educating herself on how to raise a child with his unique mental characteristics in hopes of preventing any significant downfalls they could potentially face. I think she will do the best she can, but only time will tell if her best will be enough to prevent him from entering “gifted kid burnout” (although if Adam does become like David with heavy drug use in adolescence, it will most likely be through no fault of my friend).

Now that I have described a few cases of intellectual people, one who experienced “gifted kid burnout,” one who might experience it, and one who seems to have evaded it, the important question is: how can someone recover from “gifted kid burnout?” Or, how can one prevent “gifted kid burnout?” Well, in the case of someone like Miles, you don’t have to do too much. Someone who fits the systems in their environment can avoid “gifted kid burnout” as long as nothing disastrous happens during and after intellectual development. In the case of someone like David, recovering could entail studying existentialism, finding like-minded individuals, learning to disregard both external and internal “gifted” expectations, and even engaging in psychotherapy. For Adam, there is no definite way to prevent him from this burnout, but some things can help. Helping him find his intellectual peers, tailoring to his academic and intellectual needs, and supporting him emotionally could lessen the chance of burnout.

For me, someone who has cognitive abilities dampened by medications and illness, I need to learn to value myself again. I have felt worthless before due to my newly developed deficits. I am a bit better at valuing myself now, but it is still something I greatly struggle with. I know it sounds silly to be jealous of a teenager, but I envy Miles’s combination of normalcy and a decent mind. I wish I didn’t have a chronic illness that significantly impaired my cognitive abilities, but I cannot compare myself to someone who is more neurotypical than me. It is not fair for me to compare myself to anyone because I am a unique person, but especially to someone who does not have significant health struggles like I do.

“Gifted kid burnout” does not have to be common among highly intelligent people. I encourage you to reach out and seek help if you are dealing with “gifted kid burnout” (or any other mental health problems).

- Sophie